Skinhorse Poetry: "Written"

She knew what she wanted to say
And she said it.

She wrote it in words for all to see.
But, dull, passing glances
Observe only the obvious.
And few know well how to attune
Soulful, comprehending eyes
Between the lines of what is written.

Written on her face
Was a longing for more—
More understanding and empathy.
More sharing of hearts.
More long hugs to help her feel
Connected.
Even short ones might do.

Written on her frame
Was the peculiar personal pattern
Of weathering
That which all must bear:
Heat.  Cold.  Storm.  Wind.
Urging, ever-urging, change.

Written on her sleeve
Was the pain that had taken its toll
After all those many years
When she was at once convinced
That everyone loved the idea of her,
And yet, no one loved her—really.

Written on her hands
Was the traced evidence of strength
From planting and lifting and building and such.
Unpreserved, weakened, from holding on
To so much that could have been let go,
Should have been let go,
So very long ago,
And Forgiven.

Written in her heart
Was the desire to become
Better than she had been—
A bearer of light and compassion.
Sounding a resonance of past days,
Understanding, finally, the meaning
Of all that had been, and is being,

Written.

- Jacqueline J. Hancock

Forgiveness: The Personal Journey of Two Families

After all of the silence, this is what finally moved me to make a post.

 

Forgiveness of Others

I have felt three types of significant forgiveness of others in my life:

1. That borne after years of childhood grief carried into adulthood, which was released quietly, even unnoticeably, through the grace of the Savior.


2. That given as an undeniable GIFT from God--an unexpected, spontaneous outpouring of compassion from me towards one who had offended me--witnessing (to me!) of the power of the Lord's "bowels of mercy."


3. That of long-term strugglings in body and spirit, a Gethsemane-type journey or type for Christ, within my limited sphere of personal experience.

I have also come to learn that where forgiveness is concerned, some healing takes time. Just how much time is dependent on a variety of factors, such as:

• Our pride, self-condemnation, or other human foible that keeps us from seeing things and people, ourselves included, as they truly are.
  
• A lack of faith, defined as a principle of power or action. More to the point, though, being unprepared, unable, or unwilling to draw upon Christ's own faith to help us fulfill our desires (see Galatians 2:16,20).


• God’s requirement of us to more fully comprehend, even in the smallest degree, what the Savior's pain and sorrow was like.

We are not trifling with sacred things when we juxtapose our limited sufferings with those of the Savior, if our hearts are attuned to the truth of the Lord as we seek to comprehend our divinity.

My understanding of this concept was enlarged while experiencing the despairing depths of life circumstances. I felt misunderstood, falsely accused, ridiculed by my enemies, betrayed by my friends, and left alone to figure it all out for myself. My soul was pained and could not be comforted. So many unanswered pleadings of "Why?" resulted in no small angst about my purpose in life. I was tempted to abandon my purposes, if ever there were any, despite a previous, compelling witness that the Lord had given me a specific work to do.

While in this frame of weakened mind and spirit, I was somehow led to Doctrine & Covenants 138:11-14, which reads:

As I pondered over these things which are written, the eyes of my understanding were opened, and the Spirit of the Lord rested upon me, and I saw the hosts of the dead, both small and great.

And there were gathered together in one place an innumerable company of the spirits of the just, who had been faithful in the testimony of Jesus while they lived in mortality;

And who had offered sacrifice in the similitude of the great sacrifice of the Son of God, and had suffered tribulation in their Redeemer's name.

All these had departed the mortal life, firm in the hope of a glorious resurrection, through the grace of God the Father and his Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ.

The questions that came to me as I studied this passage anew were these:

• What is included in faithfulness?


• How do we offer sacrifice and suffer tribulation in our Redeemer’s name? ("In" and "Redeemer" are the qualifiers here.)

I will leave readers to ask these and other questions of themselves, for the answers must surely be personalized, even in sacred ways. In general, though, one guiding principle reminded me that the offering of sacrifice is not about me and what I get; rather, it is about others, including the Lord, and what I give. To others, I am to bear the infirmities of the weak, and seek not to please myself, even as Christ sought not to please himself (Romans 15:1-3). To the Lord, I am to offer a broken heart and contrite spirit (2 Nephi 2:7).

And so, pondering upon these things and remaining prayerful, even during my weakest of times, I was given sufficient grace for the day. In time, gifts of the Spirit enabled me to let go of much of my hardness, my bitterness gradually faded, and I came to serve again with zeal and joy.

I believe each of us comes to a crossroads at least once in life where we are strictly challenged by these questions:

• Is my soul refusing to be comforted?
• Is my soul refusing to forgive?
• Is my soul refusing to be forgiven?

I know that the price with which we are bought is an infinite one (1 Corinthians 6:20; Alma 34:10-14). This price pays for all sins committed against us. This price pays even for our greater sin of not forgiving others, but we must turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, being eventually enabled to forgive through the gift and grace of God.

May you and I realize that we are saved, in this life and in the next, "by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). And may forgiveness, of self and others, transform us, leading us to the most exalting of joys.

Skinhorse Truth: Forgiveness

Forgiveness requires a foreclosure on pride
and a second mortgage on humility.
- Jacqueline J. Hancock

Skinhorse Poetry: "Where Did All the Forgiveness Go?"

This original poem and personal experience demonstrate that I am one who has been hurt and who has struggled enormously with forgiving another for that hurt. I do not dare claim that my experience is new, or feel my pain to be above that borne by another. Having said that, and while I have hesitated to do so, I finally decided to share a portion of my experience and learning here in the hope that it will be of some benefit to one, or to many, of you.

Where did all the forgiveness go?
Nowhere.
The same as all the apologies.

Yet to forgive—though forgiveness be not sought:
Is it not more glorious than the receipt of pleading?

Reveal thou, thy glory here.

In its place comes once more—Pain.
For, in turning the corner towards forgiveness
Another unsung apology groans out as a reminder
And nearly nothing rings more loudly
Than such a nothingness.

“Oh, how deep the wound!” she cries.
And cries.
And cries again.

Who could trace the path of tears,
Or find its ending point on the tear-streaked face?

- Jacqueline J. Hancock


Forgiving another is part of the soul’s requirement to undergo a “mighty change.” My own changing—though paltry in comparison to many—has inspired gratitude within. I understand that the making of a mighty change never really results in our reaching a destination; rather, it is a continuing process. Still, invisible chapter markers help point to critical crossroads.

Efforts made to help rid my heart of any unkind feelings towards one who had hurt me included attending aids that the Lord remarkably charted out for my benefit, revealing in no uncertain terms that He is aware of my needs. Through them, I was prepared to visualize a series of significant things.

First of all, one evening I lay in bed, alone in the darkness, yet very much awake. In this state, I was granted a vision of one particular person who had hurt me deeply and repeatedly so, standing far away from me and diminished in size, the way that artists portray people and things in the distance. Though we faced one another, it was clear that we could not be brought any closer. Almost immediately, and to my great surprise, there stood the Savior next to me. He looked into my eyes, though I could not bear to look into His. He asked me, “Is it not enough that I suffered for all hurts given here? Is there something else that you require? Is there more that I should do?” Tears filled my eyes—not in the vision, but in reality. I answered, even audibly, as I lay there alone in the darkness: “No, you have done all.” Of course His suffering is enough. Of course it is. But in weakness, I had not been able to find a way to fully accept His offerings.

Secondly, and following this former vision, I entered within the Mesa Temple. Before heading into an endowment session, I stopped and took a single piece of paper and pencil and wrote down the names of all those involved in my hurt at the time. I had completed this act many times before. This time, however, I included my own name. All names were, symbolically at least to me, placed upon the Temple altar while I was present there. At last, certain feelings swelled, enabling me to visualize standing peacefully WITH those who had hurt me. Again, tears filled my eyes.

Thirdly, I had a dream in the middle of the night. In my dream, this same particular person stood facing me, obviously troubled. We were within a mere few feet of one another then. An unexpected awareness ensued. Comprehending some of the feelings of hurt that I had inspired myself, I moved towards this person, whom I then compassionately wrapped my arms around long enough to tell how very sorry I was to have contributed any pain.

The dream ended there. No final page was revealed in this chapter of my experience as I dreamed. As time has passed, it has been made clear that the story is still being written, whether in daytime or nighttime hours.

Who could trace the path of tears,
Or find its ending point on the tear-streaked face?

There is only One, and that One is the Savior. The tears have been traced. They are known. Gratefully, the tears have their ending point as well. The pain is becoming more and more soothed by The Balm of Gilead. What comfort this Balm brings.

Some things are certain. We all hurt within ourselves for wrongs committed against us, even grievous wrongs. We all manage to hurt one another, sometimes without even intending to do so. Whichever way our experiences may lead us, we all are in a position to seek and receive forgiveness. Finally, we all struggle with seeking and extending forgiveness.

Yet, if we are to be made right with the Lord, then we will necessarily have to forgive those who have wronged us—even if they never ask for our forgiveness! I think, though, that the Lord understands that everyone’s timetable is different. He says we must forgive; he does not say that we must forgive NOW. Still, it is to our own advantage that we get ourselves set on the right track towards forgiveness, allowing space for it when it comes. As we attune ourselves more and more with the Lord’s purposes, we will find our spiritual speed quicken enough to fully renew our walk with Him.

If you struggle still to forgive, may you begin anew the process of undergoing a mighty change of heart. May you indeed forgive another of their wrongs towards you—not because they need it or deserve it—but because the Lord stands between you and them, asking if His suffering is enough to cover it all.

Please read THE PEACEGIVER by James L. Ferrell for a more thorough spiritual comprehension of the subject of forgiveness. My repeated readings of this book helped to prepare me for some of my own personal experiences.