After the Murmuring

In 1993, and while living in Tucson, Arizona, I was asked to work with the Young Women of the Church for the first time; specifically, the Laurels (ages 16-18).  It floors me now to have even considered it, but at the time, I really did not want that assignment!  In retrospect, I can't help but laugh and become a little misty-eyed, too, as I skate along my memory banks, reliving some of my experiences with this blessed group of girls.  As it turned out, this period of my life was to become one of my most favored, cherished, and sustainingly joyful seasons.  Funny, isn't it, that our views of so-called uninspired "mistakes" that leaders make at times culminate to land for our souls our grandest blessings?

My girls during this initial introductory time to the Young Women's program included: Andrea Greenwood, Michele Anglin, Heidi Luke, Heidi Martin, Sara Offen, Jaime Smith, Susannah Rexroat, Marisa Henderson, Jennifer Clark, Cassie Meadows, Joanna White, Julianna Smith, and Melanie Raehl.  Did I get everyone?  Well, one of these gals will remind me if I left out someone.

I'm laughing again.  I just wish I could recapture, for example, the craziness of Sara and Jaime, acting like foreign exchange students (or as a blind student) on the public bus.  We sure had some tender and tough times, too.   All in all, though, our shared experiences brought us about as close as a leader can be to any one group of girls.  I owe it all to them, too. 

Well, with that introduction, the following is a journal entry of mine that illustrates the struggle I experienced in letting go of one church calling to assume the responsibilities of another.  Perhaps only my former Young Women will be interested enough to read these pages.  I'm fine with that.  Not everyone can handle my verbosity.

CLICK EACH IMAGE TO ENLARGE.

To the Young Women mentioned above, and others whom I haven't mentioned, I offer an extreme debt of gratitude.  Oft-times, when I have trembled with certain doubts that have weighed upon my heart, I have been brought back to the relationships we enjoy, one with another.  Truly, I have been unalterably changed and repeatedly sustained because of my bond to each of you.  And to think that, in the beginning, I murmured.  Now, all I can seem to do is cry out in gratitude.

God bless your lives for the ways that you changed mine.  I love you all.

The Process of Prayer

The following is an excerpt  from one of my journal entries written over 5,000 moons ago.  It continues to be relevant to my experiences of today.  How funny that we should continue to face some of the same lessons at different seasons in our lives.


A friend of mine asked me to lunch and shared her concerns about wanting to do what the Lord wanted her to do--not wishing to make changes because of her need for change only.  She had prayed for new challenges before work that particular day and promised that, whatever it was, she would be up to it.  Then, as soon as she got to work, she had a voice mail message from a guy in another area of the state who was trying to put a team together to set out for a new venture with a different focus.

My friend was amazed and wondered if it were just a coincidence or not.  I said that it probably didn't matter.  She said it did, though, because if it were really Heavenly Father trying to tell her something, that she should pay more attention.  And, if he gave her a confirmation of where she should be heading, then--when things got rough--she could have confidence that everything would work out fine.

I then found myself just restating the idea that it probably did not matter much whether or not the call about the job were a coincidence.  I said I didn't really think it mattered much to the Lord whether she had this job, or that.  In the true perspective of the Lord, what matters most is the process of learning to more reliant upon the Lord in finding out what His will is for us.

I spoke aloud thoughts that I had never thought before.  Then, I suggested that she make her prayers more specific and diligent.  "Specific?" she asked.  Yes.  Sometimes, the words of our prayers are so generic that they can refer to our jobs one day and our callings the next.  Also, in being diligent in prayer, I suggested that the prayer be offered more than every few days and that it be offered in the spirit of fasting and prayer.  Not that fasting actually need be done (though it would be to her advantage); rather, that an attitude of prayer and fasting be developed.  When we are fasting, we are almost constantly aware of our needs and we seek to have the help of God in fulfilling them.  Such reliance upon the Lord must be developed in our everyday lives.

These words which flowed through me may have become a partial answer to her prayers for increased understanding.  As pertaining to entirely separate events of the day that I was experiencing on a personal level myself, these words most certainly became an answer to mine.

When seeking answer to prayer, I have always been one to have "good feelings" about one thing or another--nothing astoundingly positive nor disconcerting--just enough to cause me to continue moving towards the goal.  Drawing from my own experience, common sense, and already set strengths and capabilities, I have made and carried out decisions for my life.  Though I pray often about such decisions, rarely am I moved about by the assurance of direct, unmistakable answer to prayer.  Most of the time, anyway, I am okay with that.

I know that God does hear and answers my prayers.  But, it remains for me that the clearest part in finding answers to prayer is to brave the process of the search until a more sure reliance upon the Lord is developed.  Then--then, the answers will become more apparent.


For more thorough and inspired thoughts on the subject, read or watch Elder Richard G. Scott's March 2007 Conference Address, Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer.  For the written address, click here.   For the broadcast address, click here.

My Trip to Nauvoo for Mom

Yvonne Derelys Plaskett in 1959

On Mother's Day, I had planned to write something about my mother, which never really materialized. I have had a bit of writer's block ever since that time. As Mom had to assume some of the role of being a father to me as well as a mother, I decided that this Father's Day might be a reasonably appropriate time to share some new things about her. The following is a letter I wrote to The First Presidency a little over six years ago.

April 13, 2003

The First Presidency
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
50 East North Temple Street
Salt Lake City, Utah 84150

Dear Brethren:

I am writing this letter to make a request, but ask that you first endure a story.

Like many people, when it was announced that the Nauvoo Temple was to be rebuilt, the Spirit moved me, tears filled my eyes, and genuine enthusiasm for the undertaking resided within, from the moment the announcement was made through the time of dedication itself. Originally, I had even envisioned participating in the dedication on the Nauvoo Temple grounds, but later resolved to do so at my local Stake Center in Mesa, Arizona.

As things turned out, however, I watched the dedication in the Tucson Rincon Stake Center. A good friend gave me a handkerchief to wave during the Hosanna Shout, which I did wave as I joined in chorus with you and all others present that day to mark the sacred and momentous occasion. I was so grateful to be there.

Something else sacred and momentous happened earlier that day. My mother died. Having suffered a stroke in April, she finally succumbed to its after effects on the morning of June 27th, 2002 at a Tucson hospital. I was there with her when she passed on. I held her during her last living moments, placed my mouth near her left ear, reminded her of the many who loved her, and haltingly sang "God Be With You Till We Meet Again." I trusted that she could indeed hear me, and that somehow, my voice and the Spirit’s voice would comfort her during this time of passing—a time that she had feared for many years.

Symbolically anticipating her resurrection, prior to her burial, I placed the same handkerchief in Mom’s hand that I had used to join in the Hosanna Shout for the dedication of the Nauvoo Temple. Now, my hope is that you will grant me permission to complete my mother’s temple work for her in that very temple on June 27th, 2003—exactly one year from the day she passed away.

My mother, Yvonne Derelys Plaskett Sylvester, was baptized a member of the Church in approximately 1960. I was born in 1961. Though a convert, showing initial promise to fully embrace the gospel, Mom was offended by actions taken by her Bishop that involved me. She reported that because I was conceived out of wedlock, I was given a name and a blessing in the Bishop’s office, while another, presumably more deserving mother had her child blessed in front of the congregation. I do not know if this incident really happened as she said it did, but to her it was real and very hurtful. It gave her all the cause she needed to become disillusioned with the Church and to later leave it before developing a strong understanding and testimony of the gospel.

When I was about 14 years old, my mother again contacted the Church in Sparks, Nevada during a period of extreme difficulty. Eventually, she invited me to learn about the gospel from the missionaries. I had not known of the Church up to that point in my life, but as a result of our tenuous circumstances, I sought to please her and was soon baptized after having taken the discussions, though my participation lacked any evidence of personal interest or conviction.

My mother’s own testimony was weak during that time as well. Having suffered through the effects of years of alcoholism, she either began to drink again, or had never really quite stopped from the time she renewed her acquaintance with the Church. Within a few months of my own baptism, we hit the road yet another time. Approximately three years later, having traveled many miles through many states, and having experienced difficulties I can no longer remember in full, Mom was excommunicated. Though she attempted to regain her membership blessings within the first year or two of her excommunication, she never did prove a lasting commitment to the gospel.

In her latter years, I could discern Mom’s longing desires for a more gospel-centered life. I believe the Spirit tried to inspire her towards righteousness and peace, but Mom’s pride for past hurts kept her from seriously pursuing and understanding the gospel. And, while she had successfully overcome the addiction of alcohol a full ten years before she died, she was not so successful with overcoming tobacco, which addiction she fed constantly, beginning at age 15. To her credit, she quit smoking in full for approximately a year. Unfortunately, she began smoking again about nine months prior to her stroke. During the three months between her stroke and her death, she was free from the addiction of tobacco, but its effects had already become firmly and irrevocably manifested.

There is much more to my mother’s story that you may read if you wish from the pages of her eulogy, enclosed within. Basically, though, I will tell you that my mother had difficult beginnings that put her on a nomadic course through life, which continued to be fraught with difficulty. She made many poor choices of her own accord. She never quite figured out the truth of the gospel for herself in such a way that compelled and propelled comprehensive change, and which offered lasting peace.

Even so, she was intuitively a good women with a giving spirit about her. Many people enjoyed her company and her generosity under very financially humble circumstances. She genuinely loved others, and others loved her in return. She took comfort in priesthood blessings and had her life extended because of those blessings. She was grateful for prayers I offered before meals that we shared, and once—a very special once—she even offered a tender, vocal prayer herself in my presence. Though substantially weak, she exercised what faith she possessed, and overcame much in the process.

I trust that the Lord’s grace will indeed bridge the gap between where my mother left off in her spiritual journey and where the Lord is. I know that He will increase her understanding of truth, her sense of true belonging, and her ultimate rest and peace. It is my hope that you will feel she is prepared enough at this point to receive the opportunity to accept Temple ordinances that will restore her privileges and expand her eternal possibilities.

It is my understanding that one typically waits one year following the death of a loved one before making a request such as I am asking. However, given the symbolic circumstances and time period surrounding my mother’s death, and given the logistics of making travel arrangements and plans for such an event, I respectfully request that you proffer your decision much quicker than the typical request.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I am so appreciative of your service in my behalf. Your love for this work and your love for all people are wondrous to behold and strengthen me personally. I know you are led to do only that which is right and wise. Thus, whatever your decision, I will honor it with respect and a grateful heart.

Affectionately,

Jacqueline J. Hancock

Gratefully, authorization for baptism was indeed given. Nearly six years ago, I was baptized for my mother on the morning of June 27, 2003 in the Nauvoo Temple--not only one year exactly from the date of her passing, but almost one year to the hour as well.

It was a beautiful and peaceful day.

 

A photo I took of the Nauvoo Temple in June 2003

A Better Resurrection

Talk given by

Jacqueline J. Hancock,
Beverly Ward

Sacrament Meeting,
Easter Sunday - April 12, 2009

The Apostle Paul taught, "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable."1

I believe what he was saying here is that, if we look to Christ only for our daily bread, then we miss the greater point – even the promise – of Him being the "Bread of Life." Jesus himself attested, "I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst."2

This Bread of Life spoke at length of his gift of resurrection, though the people understood him not. Five days before his final Passover supper, before he would become The Passover himself, Jesus the Christ spoke these words about his resurrection, and our resurrection because of him: "Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit."3

The Resurrection is:
* A life- and death-altering event and experience.
* Based on eternal law and sacrifice.
* Given to all mankind as an unconditional gift, regardless of whether we be good, or whether we be evil.4

We will all live again, and live forever in an immortal state, because of the gift of the Bread of Life. So, truly, "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable."5

But, let us not forget to enjoy our daily bread!

If I may borrow again from Paul (taking license to change a couple of words and propose a junior theory of my own), "If in the NEXT life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men and women, most miserable."

While in this mortal frame, there’s a lot about life that I don’t think I’ll ever quite understand, ever be able to explain, or ever find solace enough to help meet and overcome all the injustices, the blows to the guts, and heavy sighs. Gratefully, I do know such a time will eventually come, when through spiritual eyes, ALL will be discerned, causing the final sigh to, at last, breathe in new life and light. Still, while in this life, I hope for better days, better circumstances, better health, better relationships, and better chances to make meaningful contributions so as to comprehend my purpose or purposes.

The scriptures are also replete with references to things that are better. Here are a few:

"For the law made nothing perfect, but the bringing in of a better hope did; by the which we draw nigh unto God."6

" . . . [Christ] is the mediator of a better covenant, which was established upon better promises."7

" . . . ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance."8

" . . . they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly."9

"And now I say, is there not a type in this thing? For just as surely as this director did bring our fathers, by following its course, to the promised land, shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise."10

In addition to these, there is a favorite passage of mine found in Hebrews 11. This entire chapter deals with the subject of faith, beginning in verse 1 with its definition. It goes on to describe exemplars of faith through the ages, including Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sara, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, and Moses. The walls of Jericho were brought down by faith extended. And even the harlot Rahab - a prostitute, of all people – is included here because of her great faith.

(Starting now in Hebrews 11:32): "And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets . . . "

And what shall I more say? For the time would fail me to tell of Juanita Wagner, and Marguerite Payne, and Tom Wright, and Garth Lamoreux, and Jill Lawlor, and Kathleen Whipple, and Sheryl Allred, and Nick Nelson, and Terrie Wood, and Juanita Svedi, and Katy Cochran:

". . . Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions,
"Quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens.
". . . And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment . . .
". . . Women received their dead raised to life again: and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance; that they might obtain a better resurrection . . . ."11

"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God."12

Thus, it is FAITH that leads us to a better resurrection; meaning a better, immortal – even eternal life – because it first leads us through a better mortal life!

Our lives there reflect our lives here. Some may say, "Oh! Well, then! There is no hope for me, for I stink here!" And, here’s where our true hope in Christ comes in. As taught by James E. Faust, "All of us have made wrong turns along the way. I believe the kind and merciful God, whose children we are, will judge us as lightly as He can for the wrongs that we have done and give us the maximum blessing for the good that we do."13

But, let us not take for granted the many gifts extended to us through, and because of, the Atonement of our Savior. Make no mistake: we must reverence Christ’s faith by extending our own. We do this when we strive to be, or to become, better in our obedience and abandonment of sin; in our willingness to love (and be loved); in our repentance; in our forgiveness of another’s wrongs; in forgiving ourselves when Christ has done the same, or when it seems that he would forgive – if we would only allow him to do so.

In short, when we strive to be or become a better disciple of Christ, then will our hope in Christ increase, both in this world and in the world to come, where ours will be a better resurrection.

In 2003, I was in Nauvoo, Illinois. I traveled there to complete temple ordinances on June 27th for my mother who had died exactly one year before. This day also marked the one-year anniversary of the restoration and opening of the Nauvoo Temple, as well as the death of Joseph Smith. Referencing the period immediately following the martyrdom of Joseph, I recorded the following in my journal:

"I do not think that I would have enjoyed living 159 years ago. I wonder what my own faith would have been like then. Would I have stayed and helped to carry the collective load of the Saints at that time? I would like to think so. I would hope that my resilience and desire for a better cause – and better resurrection – would enliven the best within me to overcome the temporary trials given in the heat of the day. I can hope for no less of myself now, either.

"It is time to resurrect that hope that is within me, to invite the Spirit to strengthen the bands of my own faith in Christ, and to trust in his purposes for me. I cannot see his plans for me. I do not understand all his ways. I cannot possibly know of his power – his ability to intercede on my behalf and cause even the shackles of hell that ever chase after me to loosen and fall away.

"Though I cannot, or do not, see the full power of the Lord’s love in my little life . . . I am so much more filled with courage and determination to be more faithful. I trust all the more, too, that the Atonement will help to see me through the most difficult of times and grant me clarity of vision enough to remain in my place – though the future presented before me may be covered with a thick veil."14

May we each resurrect the divinity within us today – this Easter morn’ – that we may pass through the veil, whispering as we go, because our hearts are that tender and that swollen with joy, that we might obtain a better resurrection. This is my hope. May it be your hope as well. In the sacred name of our only True Hope, the Bread of Life – even our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ – Amen.


FOOTNOTES:
1. 1 Corinthians 15:19
2. John 6:35
3. John 12:24
4. 1 Corinthians 15:22
5. 1 Corinthians 15:19
6. Hebrews 7:19
7. Hebrews 8:6
8. Hebrews 10:34
9. Hebrews 11:16
10. Alma 37:45
11. Hebrews 11:32-36 (verses 35 and 36 transposed, for emphasis)
12. Ether 12:4
13. James E. Faust, Ensign, Nov. 1996, p. 53.
14. Journal entry of Jacqueline J. Hancock, dated June 29, 2003.